I saw this meme on Facebook today and it made me laugh. Posted it after lunch hours ago and it already has 12 Likes. That will change because the Likes will tick up as people get it. It’s amusing yet says a lot in limited words. Wish I could embody this meme. I worry a LOT and ALL the time about everything. Some days are better than others. It’s a struggle one deals with and tries to control, although at best you have days where you keep it at a minimum. Yes, I know the many reasons why one shouldn’t worry, but that’s easier said than done for us natural born worriers. How do you not care what others think?
We probably wouldn’t worry about what people think of us if we could know how seldom they do.
Olin Miller, Author, Humorist, Poet
Found an article from a few years ago that holds good advice. How to Stop Worrying What Other People Think of You by Lolly Daskal.
People spend more time thinking about themselves than thinking about others. If they’re expressing an opinion about your life, it’s probably not something they’ve given much thought to but just a passing thought.
This is #2 on a 15 point list in the article. I used to get so wrapped up in what someone said until I became a parent and realized you can say all sorts of things in the moment and never remember what you said at any given moment! You can offer an opinion and not dream the other listener may put a whole lot more weight on it then you thought. I’m not saying you aren’t thoughtful about what you say, but you certainly don’t mean for every word to be a game changer for someone. People in general have noise in their heads from doctor appointments, work presentations, PTA events, what’s for dinner, and things having little to do with us. I cannot tell you how many times I’ve been reminded I said something and have no memory of it. Now, flip that around and imagine you received an opinion from another who has no idea you remembered it or didn’t think it carried much weight. People are busy and sometimes have no idea what they’ve said. It’s not personal. Try not to hang so much on a statement or an opinion, especially if it seems in passing.
Overthinking can lead you to thinking you're being judged even when that's not the case–and even if not, it can set you down in your own way. Learn to recognize overthinking and replace it with positive thoughts.
I am a champion at overthinking. This is #7 on the list. I can take a simple statement and beat it to death like no other. We all have skills. I once applied for a position where you had to do pre-testing. Flew through the spelling test and then came critical thinking. Amazing how I could do so well on these tests when in school. Now, with age, parenting, and life I can overthink every single question. I failed the test because it took me so long to answer the questions that I ran out of time! It was hard for me to take them at face value. I’m teaching my kids some things are “not that deep”. So, I need to take my own advice. Also, yes on positive thinking. It’s a skill I am actively teaching myself and my children. It’s a muscle one needs to develop.
I enjoyed another article I found on the Mind Body Green blog called 4 Steps to Stop Worrying About What Other People Think of You by Kelly Neff, M.A, PhD. #2 on her list is Learn this mantra: What Other People Think About Me Is None of My Business!
The root of the problem with caring about what people think about you is that you're attaching yourself to an outcome that you have absolutely no control over. That’s right, you have NO CONTROL over what people say, do and think about you! You can have the best intentions, or you can do something ridiculous: It doesn’t matter. You do not control the way people will respond, just as they do not control the way you respond to them.
The belief that you have any ownership of or control over people’s opinions about you comes from a place of ego. The reality is that what other people think about you is none of your business! Take a moment and begin to process and accept this perspective. See how the mantra makes you feel and note the resistance you might feel from your ego. This is normal. (In fact, with all this time spent worrying and managing expectations, this mantra can feel downright strange at first!)
We are socially conditioned to do A or B in order for people to like us. Yet, what if they don’t despite this? Is it our fault? Can we control it? You can be the best you can be, but you cannot control people’s thoughts. I’ll try the mantra and see how it goes. It can’t hurt and maybe help me feel a little stressed.
I do believe in reaping what you sow and life is short. I can’t control what others think. I can only move along with a positive mindset and put out what I’d like to come back. And, try hard not to worry about what others think.
(Article below from Inc. Magazine)
How to Stop Worrying What Other People Think of You
If you find yourself looking over your shoulder, self-conscious, or fretful about how your actions will look to others, here's some help to stop worrying.
By Lolly Daskal President and CEO, Lead From Within @LollyDaskal
We all want to be liked and appreciated for our many talents, our ferocious intelligence, our good nature, our sparkling personality.
But when we start to rely on what other people think of us, and we make their opinion pivotal to our success, we get into trouble. We start tailoring our lives to fit the expectations of others, and from there it's a vicious cycle.
When we give over our power to others and allow that their impressions to become how we perceived, we lose out on who we really are. The only reality we can see is how we believe others see us.
Here are 15 sure-fire ways to eliminate the worry and free yourself to be yourself.
1. Focus on what
matters. When you concentrate
on what's important, you think less about your individual role and more
about the bigger picture. It takes the glare of people's spotlights off you
individually.
2. Remember, most people aren't paying much attention. People spend
more time thinking about themselves than thinking about others. If they're
expressing an opinion about your life, it's probably not something they've
given much thought to but just a passing thought.
3. Keep perspective. Another person's opinion is often based
not on your beliefs and behavior but on theirs. What's good for them may be
terrible for you, or vice versa. Be who you want to be from your own
perspective.
4. You know best. Nobody else is living your life. They might have opinions or ideas, but the only person who knows what is best for you is you. And that means you need to learn about yourself through your own mistakes and failures.
5. Mind your own business. Stop asking people what they think of you. Stop worrying about their opinions–especially if they're critical, unsuccessful or unhappy. Most of the time, the negative feedback is coming from negative people.
6. Desensitize your triggers. Are you too sensitive for your own good? Do you get triggered when people say things about you that you know aren't even true? It's easy for a sensitive nature to blow things out of proportion, but try to build the thick skin that lets you shake it off.
7. Stop overthinking. Overthinking can lead you to thinking you're being judged even when that's not the case–and even if not, it can set you down in your own way. Learn to recognize overthinking and replace it with positive thoughts.
8. Seek constructive feedback. For important decisions, you may want to seek out a few opinions from people you trust–and then forget the rest. Pick people who know how to give feedback that's constructive and specific.
9. Don't try to please everyone. It's impossible to live up to everyone's expectations, so don't burn yourself out trying to do so. Please yourself and let the rest fall where they may. Some people may dislike you. That's OK.
11. Opinions are always changing. Never allow the opinions of others to get too deep, because people can change at any given moment. If you've overinvested in an earlier opinion, it can leave you in the lurch when the person changes their mind.
12. Sow what you want to reap. Life is an echo; what you send out comes back. Too much worry about what other people think of you can become a self-fulfilling prophecy that eventually governs your behavior and thoughts.
13. Focus on the moment. When you're fretting about what other people are saying or thinking, you tend to miss some very important present moments. Conversely, when you truly focus on the present moment, you tend not to worry about what will come later–including judgment. Accept yourself for who you are and be present in the moment.
14. Find a role model. Look to someone whose self-respect you admire to help point you toward your own. A guide can help dispel your lack of confidence and help you envision your best future.
15. Life's is too short. The bottom line is we truly have this one life and life is short. Do you really want to spend even a few precious moments of that time worrying what other people think? To live a life where others tell you what you want? Or should you decide for yourself who we are and what you want and how you plan to go out and get it?
You must make a conscious effort to let go what other people think. It's a skill that needs to be practiced, like meditating. But once you truly understand how to let go, you will see the world as entirely different.
People will love you, people will hate you, and none of it will have anything to do with you. Make your choices and live by those decisions, taking full responsibility for what you do and how you do it. When you do, you'll gain the self-esteem you need and the power to give yourself what you want, without blaming anyone for your mistakes.
PUBLISHED ON: MAY 12, 2016
The opinions expressed here by Inc.com columnists are their own, not those of Inc.com.
